Death and A Reagan
by MarinePixie
Summary: Coming from the infamous Reagan family wasn't always easy for Phoebe Reagan as her brothers were cops, her dad was the commissioner and her grandpa was a retired cop. Bringing dates home had been a nightmare and yet Phoebe hadn't strayed too far from the family business as she dealt with the dead as a medical examiner. Phoebe may not be a cop but she was still a Reagan.
1. Chapter 1

Insanity. That was perhaps the only way that Phoebe Reagan could adequately describe her family as whilst she adored them all, even more than raw cookie dough they were all still crazy. Well eccentric would probably be a more accurate description of her family… But how else could you explain why the topic of discussion over the dining table was about the fact that her brother Danny put a suspects head down a toilet to get him to confess to where he was keeping the little girl he had kidnapped? It wasn't the typical discussion that normal people had over Sunday dinner with their family. This particular stimulating conversation was one of the joys of coming from a very outspoken and opinionated Irish-American family who were knee deep in law enforcement. The Reagan family had a long history of serving the NYPD which went back three generations starting with Henry Reagan, Phoebe's grandfather who had joined the NYPD in 1952 and eventually worked his way up the ranks to become police commissioner. Next came Phoebe's father Frank Reagan, the current police commissioner who had followed in his father's footsteps and his sons would do the same. Phoebe's two elder brothers, Danny and Joe were cops, however Joe had died in the line of duty fifteen months ago. Now Jamie, Phoebe's younger brother had given up his law career and had entered the family business as the Reagan family often joked. Only Phoebe and her older sister Erin, didn't follow the family tradition of putting on the uniform but that didn't mean that they weren't Reagan's, they just served the city in different ways. Phoebe was a NYC medical examiner and Erin was an assistant district attorney who was also the ADA assigned to this kidnapping case and needless to say she wasn't happy about the toilet dunking incident. Danny's little coerced confession was causing Erin lot of problems which was threatening to wreck the entire case. It made Phoebe grateful that this wasn't her headache to deal with, her job mainly revolved around dead bodies and whilst it wasn't a job for the faint hearted it seemed to involve less stress on her part which couldn't be said for Erin. This Danny thing was causing Erin a heap load of problems.

"Your mom's riding on her high horse, huh?" Danny questioned as he appeared in the dining room and took a seat next to his wife Linda. No doubt catching the end of Erin and their grandpa disagreeing about Danny's methods. Phoebe knew well enough that this wasn't going to end well as Danny and Erin weren't going to back down. Both of them were stubborn old mules, stuck in their ways and because of that they tended to butt heads a lot. Danny was the kind of cop who would do whatever it took to get a collar, sometimes bending the rules such as putting a suspects head down the toilet. Whereas Erin was pretty straight laced and by the book lawyer but a damn good one at that. Phoebe had always looked up to her older sister growing up as Erin had been a damn good example of showing that hard word paid off.

"Don't make this about me. I'm not the one that slapped some guy around." Erin retorted and Phoebe kept her head down as she went about helping herself to food as she didn't want to be dragged into any of this. Phoebe had her own problems to deal with at the moment without getting pulled into tolietgate as she had taken to calling this whole situation. This wasn't going to die down any time soon and Phoebe was just going to focus on enjoying her Sunday dinner as best she could and try not to get sucked into this madness.

"What do you know about it?" Danny questioned, no doubt taking offence to Erin's statement.

"Dad stuck somebody's head in a toilet?" Sean, Danny's younger son attempted to question only to be shushed by his mother Linda. Right now wasn't the time to be asking question, it was best for everyone's sake that Erin and Danny could get this out of their systems now so they could get back to their family dinner.

"I know you're supposed to be enforcing the law, not making it up." Erin stated and Phoebe locked eyes with her grandfather Henry who just rolled his eyes. Just like Danny, Henry Reagan had been an old school police officer and had sometimes toed the line to do what was right. As such he tended to side with Danny when it came to such matters like this which irked Erin occasionally. Things like this were to be expected as the family business was often a subject discussed over Sunday lunch when they came back from mass. Normal families probably talked about other things but for Phoebe, this was normal for her. Although Phoebe couldn't freely discuss the finer details of her work because of her young nephews who didn't really understand the exact nature of her line of work. Plus some people tended to be put off their food by talk of dead bodies and performing autopsies. Not to mention Phoebe sometimes got so caught up in the gory details that Danny would comment that she was going to that dark and creepy place. It was a contradiction of some sorts as Phoebe was described by her father as being the most cheerful and optimistic person he knew despite being constantly surrounded by death.

"You have no idea what goes on. You only know what you think you know." Danny barked and Erin didn't flinch but Phoebe knew that the comment had stung slightly. She knew from private conversations with her elder sister, that sometimes Erin felt left out as she wasn't part of the Reagan cops. Like she was on the outside of some inside joke and Phoebe understood that as even though her work did involve working with the police. She wasn't a cop, Phoebe wasn't a Reagan cop. In her family it seemed to be some kind of brotherhood, even more so since Jamie had joined the ranks. So sometimes it was pretty lonely but Phoebe and Erin had each other. So things were a little less lonely.

"The laws are there for a reason."

"Yeah, to protect the criminals." Danny scoffed in response whilst Phoebe started to eat her dinner, her brother and sister could continue this argument all they liked but that didn't mean that she was going to let her dinner get cold.

"No, to protect society from a police state."

"Blah, blah, blah."

"Such a jerk."

"Hey, screw you, Erin."

"Screw you."

"Screw you."

The arguing continued until their father finally had enough and put his foot down. It looked like things had calmed down but before Phoebe knew it, half the family had gone leaving just Phoebe, Jamie, Frank and Henry at the table. No matter what the disagreement what was going on at the moment, Phoebe wasn't going to let it stop her from eating her dinner. There was nothing she loved better more than a roast dinner after Sunday mass. Things would work out eventually as despite the arguments and difference of opinions; they were a family. Everyone would be back round the table when things had settled down or when they got hungry. Whichever came first... Phoebe knew better than to get involved with her siblings problems as they tended to take on a life of their own at times, not to mention she had her own ones to deal with right now. Arguments like this always came and went because the Reagan's talked about pretty much everything and not everyone shared the same opinion. It was all part of the insanity that Phoebe called her family.

"You've kept pretty quiet down your end on the table Bee? What do you make of all of this?" Frank asked as he started passing out the beef and Phoebe couldn't help but smile at her old dad. It didn't matter that she wasn't a cop or a lawyer. She was a member of this family and her opinion mattered just as much as everyone else's. Phoebe took a baited breath and waited a moment before she spoke as she knew that her grandfather wasn't going to be the biggest fan of what she was going to say. But deep down she knew that even though her family wouldn't always agree with her opinions, they would always respect it.

"It's complicated. As a physician I understand what Danny did as it is vital that as a diabetic Maria gets her insulin. If it wasn't for what Danny did, I could have ended up with that child on my table. But whilst I say that, I also acknowledge that Danny did something incredibly stupid as now the kidnapper may walk because Danny stuck his head down the toilet to find out where the girl was. That puts the entire case at risk and if he walks because of Danny's actions, what is to stop him from going after another girl? She may not be so lucky. Danny is a good cop but I think he went too far, he needs to realise that his actions will be called into question when it comes to prosecutions. He needs to be mindful of that and Erin has a right to be annoyed as she has to deal with the fallout..." Phoebe revealed with a weak smile, before taking a sip of water.

"I've said this once and I'll say it again, Danny did the right thing-" Henry began.

"But at what cost Grandpa? And to what extent does Danny feel any responsibility? We all heard that comment he made to Erin about would she do the same thing if Nicky was taken and Danny has said he would do it again. I understand he saved a young girl's life but did he have to stick the perps head down the toilet? That was way too far and Danny needs to admit that. The law is something he is supposed to enforce, not make up as he see's fit because of a set of circumstances. It's there to protect us all and punish those who have committed criminal acts." Phoebe challenged to her grandfather and unlike her siblings, managed to keep her cool as she wasn't as big a hot head like Danny or Erin, similar to Jamie she was rather level head although she did have some of the Reagan temper but it didn't rear it's fiery head that often.

"I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this one kiddo." Henry stated with a warm laugh and Phoebe couldn't help but agree. They were at an impasse and neither of them were going to change their opinion on the matter anytime soon, so it was probably best if they moved on.

"So Pheebs, I haven't seen you around much this week apart from the ceremony. How's work?" Jamie asked moving things along ever so slightly.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that Jamie? You are the one with the new job and all but things are good on my end. We may be receiving yet another budget cut but we still have a lot of guests and continue to receive them. There hasn't been any sort of out there case but just give it time. There are some crazy folks out there and a lot of the time they end up on my table. But otherwise things have been as hectic as always at the M.E's office, had about nine bodies this week. Speaking of which if you ever want to swing by the office to check out a D.B to prepare yourself so you don't freak out in the field then feel free to. I promise I won't tell anyone if you barf and I also promise that I won't pull out any organs from a DB's chest." Phoebe offered with a bright smile as she continued to eat her dinner. Unlike a lot of people, Phoebe was very comfortable with death and as such she could talk about performing an autopsy in graphic detail whilst eating food. Her dad used to make a comment about Phoebe having an iron stomach. However as of late, Phoebe's stomach hadn't exactly been it's usual iron self.

"Umm... Let me get back to you on that one Phoebe." Jamie replied clearly not keen on the idea and Phoebe opened her mouth to laugh but she was hit with this strong and sudden wave of nausea that she had to grip the table. This was the last thing that Phoebe needed at the moment especially in front of her entire family, not to mention she was extremely nothing as there was nothing in her stomach.

"Phoebe, you okay?" Frank questioned and it took Phoebe a moment before she finally felt comfortable enough to answer.

"Yeah I'm fine dad, just feeling a bit light headed so I think I'll head out and grab some air. If you'll excuse me..." Phoebe wearily replied as she slowly got up from her chair and made her way out of the dining room and out towards the back porch. Trying her hardest to walk in a straight line as not to make her family think anything was wrong with her, when in reality Phoebe's whole world had been turned upside down and then some in the last few days. Once she had got outside Phoebe took a deep breath before leaning down and placing her hands on her knees and continuing to take some more deep breaths. If she kept this up then maybe she wouldn't feel sick, maybe Phoebe would feel better and get through the rest of this dinner in one piece before making her excuses and heading back home. After a moment Phoebe finally felt better, to the point where she moved in order to sit down on the porch steps. She just needed a few minutes out here before she could go back inside.

"I though I'd find you out here, I always found out here to be a good place to think."

At the sound of her father's voice Phoebe couldn't but wearily laugh as there had never been a place to hide in this house and she glanced up in time to see her father take a seat beside her before handing Phoebe a glass of water.

"Thanks dad..."

"You were always a terrible liar as a child Phoebe and you haven't gotten any better since then." Frank announced with a wry smile on his face and Phoebe opened her mouth to argue but her father beat her to it. "I stopped by your office on Thursday, I thought I would treat my youngest daughter to lunch and imagine my surprise when your boss tells me that you've taken a week off work for personal reasons. I don't know what it is but something is going on with you."

"You've always known me better than anyone else dad. I can't hide anything from you." Phoebe wearily chuckled as she brushed a piece of her dark hair back behind her ear. She knew she was going to have to tell her dad before he figured it out for himself. Phoebe could only keep this to herself for a little while longer before it became obvious for the entire world to see. This was scary for Phoebe, her head was all over the place but maybe it would be good for her to talk to someone instead of keeping it all bottled up to herself and there was probably no one better to talk to than her dad. From a young age Phoebe had always known that she could talk to her father about anything, from running home to him in tears when she was sixteen and had her heart broken for the first time. There were days during med school where Phoebe didn't think she could cut it being a doctor but her dad was always there for her. Most of the time Frank Reagan knew what to say but when he didn't he at least managed to make Phoebe feel better.

"Bee what's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant dad, nine weeks to be in fact with a little Reagan in the oven." Phoebe quietly said but loud enough so that her father would be able to hear her. After the words had come out of her mouth Phoebe couldn't help but look at her hands as she wasn't sure how her dad would react to this news. Sure she wasn't sixteen and still in catholic school, Phoebe had just turned thirty one a few weeks ago and had a job and her own apartment. She was a grown up with her life pretty much in order, she was a responsible adult for the most part. But this was still pretty big news.

"How do you feel about this?" Frank asked after a moment and Phoebe looked over to her father, there was no outward expression of joy about having another grandchild as her father had picked up rather quickly how uneasy she felt about the whole thing. Phoebe didn't need to hear congratulations, she needed someone to talk to because right now she was struggling to deal with this life changing news. She had no idea how this had happened, well Phoebe knew how it happened of course as she was a doctor but she had no idea how things ended up like this. This was not how she imagined she would become a mom.

"Honestly dad? I feel terrified constantly. I've always been content in being an aunt, I love being an aunt to the Jack, Sean and Nicky, don't get me wrong I love children but I've never been in a real rush to settle down and add to the Reagan pack and then that damn stick said pregnant. I didn't trust the five pregnancy tests so I had a blood test and exam at my OB/GYN to confirm. I know I'm pregnant but apart of me is still in denial over the whole thing because the whole thing is surreal. Right in this moment I am growing a human inside of me, I'm going to be mom. I keep telling myself that and it doesn't get any less scary. I honestly don't know how I feel about this whole thing if I'm being honest. What the hell do I know about being a parent? Sure I can take care of a kid for a few hours but I don't know anything about raising a child? I'm clueless about that kind of stuff." Phoebe wearily said.

"What does Ian think of the baby?" Frank asked referring to Phoebe's on and off boyfriend of two years and the mere mention of him made her feel uneasy. Phoebe was pretty sure she could feel her blood pressure sky rocket at the mention of Ian's name and yet for some reason she laughed. God knows why but she laughed.

"That's the kicker dad, Ian left me when I told him I was pregnant. I always knew that he was slightly immature but he freaked out and bolted when I told him I was pregnant. From the few words that he managed to say, he was going on about how he wasn't ready and he couldn't be a dad. It just wasn't him. That was last Sunday when I came home from dinner and told him the news. Ian freaked and then bolted, which is why I took the week off work. I needed to pull myself together and wrap my head around all of this. Not only am I pregnant but my boyfriend is a bastard. He moved his things out of my place and that is it. I believed in him, I loved him... I was such a fool to think I could have a life with him, to have what you and mom had."

"You are not a fool Phoebe, if anyone is a fool then it is Ian. I know your scared Bee but I promise you that everything will be okay. You can do this, I know you can." Frank assured Phoebe with a gentle squeeze of her hand which made her smile. No matter her old she got, her dad always knew what the right thing was to say.

"It has to be okay dad because this isn't just about me anymore, I have a child to think about now. Ian may have walked out on us be I'm not going to run after him and demand that he takes responsibility for our child. This isn't the way that I imagined bringing a child into the world but I can't change anything of what's happened as it's in the past, I just need to focus on the future because as scary as it all seems, I'm going to have this baby. Despite my mixed feeling on the whole pregnancy thing, there was never really a second of doubt in my head about not having this baby. I'm just scared about the situation and trying to adjust to the fact that I'll be a single mother and I will be doing this by myself-"

"-You won't ever be by yourself, I don't want you to ever think that you will be raising that child your carrying by yourself Phoebe. Your family will be here every step of the way. Ian has made the biggest mistake of his life walking out on the two of you." Frank said and Phoebe smiled before leaning her head against her father's shoulder. She could always depend on her good old dad when things got tough. Phoebe felt a little bit better, her dad had told her what she needed to hear; that she wasn't alone like she thought. There might not be Ian in the picture but she had her family as insane as they were.

"Dad, can we keep this between ourselves for now? I will tell the rest of the family eventually but if I go back in there and tell them this then Danny will freak out when he finds out. No doubt he will hunt Ian down and stick his head down the toilet for abandoning me and Grandpa will be looking over his shoulder and telling him to keep Ian's head down the toilet for longer before bringing him up for air." Phoebe quipped finally seeing the humour and upside of Danny sticking a suspects head down the toilet.

"You got it Bumblebee but before we stop talking about this, I just want to say that you will be an amazing mother Phoebe." Frank assured in a warm manner as even though Phoebe was scared witless about being a parent she had her family. Her dad had raised five kids with her mother and so he knew a thing or two about raising Reagan children.

"I had good coaches."


	2. Chapter 2

There was something oddly peaceful about working with the dead. Sure it wasn't the most glamorous job and sure Phoebe spent more time around the dead than she did with the living but she liked her job. Phoebe had been different from the most of her family in regards to she didn't always know what she had wanted to do with her life. Danny and Joe had always wanted to follow in their fathers footsteps and become cops, Erin had decided in her teens that she didn't want be a cop and instead wanted to become a lawyer. Jamie was just Jamie, he had spent years studying to become a lawyer only to decided after he had graduated that he actually wanted to be a cop. Phoebe had always been different from the rest of her family as she had never really known what she wanted to do with her life. Things had always been so easy for Phoebe when it came to academics, she had always been a straight A student and because she never really felt challenged in school, Phoebe didn't have any real goals in life, no direction of any kind. Not until a conversation Phoebe had with her mother just before the start of her senior year, a few words idly spoken by her mother and then Phoebe suddenly had a direction in life – she wanted to become a doctor. She could have become any kind of doctor Phoebe had her pick of specialities but in the end she had gone pathology followed by a fellowship in forensic pathology. Sure Phoebe wouldn't earn as much money compared to if she had become a cardiologist and gone into private practice. But it had never been about the money as Phoebe wanted a career in something that would challenger her and being a medical examiner certainly did that.

Everyone thought death was the end but Phoebe's job had shown her that death sometimes wasn't all that simple. People didn't randomly die these days, there was always an answers and Phoebe's job was to find that answer. Phoebe liked the challenge but there was so much more to her job then cutting up bodies and rooting around in them and doing tests to find out a cause of death. It was also Phoebe's job to speak for the dead when they were unable to do so for themselves and Phoebe found a sense of nobility in that. Her job certainly wasn't the most pleasant, she had people of all ages on her table who had died in many different ways and Phoebe had a duty to each one of them. Such as the man on the slab right in front of her; Luka Mitchell, he was only 29 years old and had been brought in this morning after being shot in the middle of the subway. Anyone else would have said that he was too young to die but Phoebe knew that you were never too young to die. But a 29 year old gunned down in the middle of a day during rush hour was something else? Who knows what Luka Mitchell had done for someone to do this for him, luckily for Phoebe that wasn't her job.

"You wanted to see me Pheebs?"

Looking up from her clipboard Phoebe saw Danny walk into her autopsy with his typical cop swagger in all his detective first grade glory, followed by a tall woman, rather good looking and a sharp dresser who Phoebe took to be her brother's new partner. How long she was here for was difficult to say as lately Danny had been going through a lot of temporary partners and so far none of them seemed to stick. "I did, but did you bring it?"

"One chilli cheese fries, a hamburger with extra pickles and a chocolate shake just like you requested. Now you going to tell me why you wanted me to come all the way down here?" Danny questioned as he handed over a paper takeaway bag over the table to Phoebe who gleefully took it as she had been really craving chilli cheese fries all morning and she had asked Danny to bring her some on his way down to the M.E's office as she had some interesting developments for him on the Mitchell case.

"Ye of little patience brother, good things come to those who wait and you shall get your answers soon…" Phoebe gently scolded as she took the bag away and placed it on the desk which was situated a few meters away. Phoebe knew better than to start eating in here when Danny was around as he got creeped out by the fact that Phoebe was comfortable in eating in the morgue surrounded by dead bodies. Phoebe didn't really understand because the morgue was like the cleanest place ever, it was constantly being cleaned to the point where she could probably eat off of the floor because the morgue was so clean. Not that Phoebe ever would as even she found that to be weird but she wasn't against eating before starting an autopsy.

"Brother?"

"Detective Jackie Curatola I'd like you to meet my baby sister Dr. Phoebe Reagan." Danny said making the introductions and Phoebe offered Jackie a warm and welcoming smile.

"Reagan? Another one?" Jackie questioned and both Phoebe and Danny couldn't help but share amused glances with each other as responses like that weren't uncommon given that there was several Reagans in the NYPD, one in the DA's office and then Phoebe in the M.E's office. It was pretty unusual to have so many people from one family working within the justice system in New York. People did tend to cross paths with the Reagan at some point given their respective careers tended to meet a lot and so other cops, lawyers and medical examiners would come into contact with them. The Commissioner of the NYPD being their father certainly didn't help with the matter but Phoebe always took it in her stride as you couldn't pick your family and hers were a pretty decent bunch and they were all very good at their jobs. Even if there were occasional instances of someone losing their cool and sticking a suspects head under the toilet, however that was all water under the bridge now or rather water under the toilet as Danny had been able to nail his perp on different case. Things had ended well and Danny had avoided a suspension or an excessive force compliant in his file.

"Afraid so but don't worry Det. Curatola I am the more affable one of the bunch compared to my brother although he would probably tell you that I am the weird one of the family. I'm also the most liked out of us all as people hate cops and lawyers but no one ever hates the medical examiner." Phoebe quipped in amusement.

"Enough already Pheebs, now what do you have for us?" Danny questioned.

"Cause of death for your victim and you'll be happy to know that I am ruling it at homicide." Phoebe responded and she watched as Danny looked at her as if she had lost her mind and she knew what was coming next.

"You called us all the way down here to tell us that the case is a homicide? I could have told you that Phoebe! The guy has four bullets in his chest, of course it was going to be a homicide–" Danny began, fully going off on a rant as Phoebe predicted. Her brother was awfully predictable and was prone to occasionally jumping to conclusions at time and Phoebe used that to her advantage such as times like these. He had assumed that Luka Mitchell had died as result of the gunshot wounds that he had sustained but Phoebe knew not everything was what it seemed. Not everything was so obvious, sometimes you had to look beyond the surface or in Phoebe's case crack open chests and skulls to see what was under the surface.

"The gunshot wounds weren't what killed Luka Mitchell." Phoebe interrupted and immediately Danny fell quiet and Phoebe took this as a sign to carry on and explain the reason why she had called Danny down to the morgue. " You see Danny… This is why I'm the medical examiner and you are the cop as I have the brains and you have the brawn. But back to the point, Luka Mitchell would have most likely survived his injuries if it weren't for the fact that after he was shot, he fell to the ground and hit his head. Cause of death was a ruptured blood vessel at the base of the brain and here is where things get interesting. The vessel was already weakened before the time of death. During the autopsy I discovered that Mr. Mitchell's PH level in his blood was abnormally low, this kind of thing usually suggests renal failure."

"Was the vic in renal failure?" Jackie questioned.

"Well I took a sample of his kidney tissue and I found it to be loaded with calcium oxloate crystal, the oxolates are a tell tell sign of ethylene glycol poisoning. It's very lethal and your victim probably had no clue that he was being poisoned." Phoebe explained.

"Why not? And what exactly is ethylene glycol for those of us who don't have fancy degrees?" Danny questioned and Phoebe smiled, this was the part she loved the most. Explaining how she figured out the mystery of a baffling case. Well this case wasn't that baffling but it certainly wasn't what it had first appeared.

"If your going to poison someone then Ethylene glycol would be a good way to go about it as it is odourless, colourless, easily maskable and has a very sweet taste to it almost like syrup. Ethylene glycol is an organic compound which is primarily used as a raw material in the manufacture of polyester fibres and the fabric industry but it's better know to most people as antifreeze, it's a component of it but you get my point. The impact of his fall from the shooting may have killed your victim but he was running out of time anyway, Mr. Mitchell had 72 hours at most before his body would have shut down had the events of today not happen."

"So he was literally a dead man walking?" Danny asked and Phoebe sighed, she really hated that analogy but it seemed rather appropriate as it seemed like the man on her table had an outstanding appointment to end up on her table.

"Indeed." Phoebe began just as a wave of nausea swept over her and she had to try and force her gag reflex to try and keep itself under control, which was never going to work. The morning sickness was still around and not confining itself to just morning, it was day and night much to Phoebe's irritation and the nausea never seemed to stop. So far Phoebe's experience of being pregnant wasn't a fun one as whilst she loved her job and was used to the smell of death, it seemed that her pregnant self couldn't cope with it. Already Phoebe had thrown up several times because the smell of bleach mixed with death was making her feel ill.

"Dr. Reagan are you okay?" Jackie asked and Phoebe forced herself to smile as she couldn't let anyone know what something was wrong. Right now she was still keeping the whole pregnancy thing under wraps with only herself and her father knowing. Phoebe knew she was going to have to tell her family about the baby and what had happened with Ian as she was soon approaching the end of her first trimester. She was now eleven weeks pregnant and eventually Phoebe was going to start showing the further along she got in her pregnancy. But Phoebe was scared no matter how much she didn't want to admit it as she was going to be a single mom. Both Danny and Erin had been married before they had kids and Phoebe wasn't married. Her boyfriend had taken off because he couldn't deal with this situation, leaving her all alone. Unlike her siblings Phoebe wasn't married and didn't have a partner to help her out and even though her dad told her that she wouldn't be alone in having this baby Phoebe still felt alone. Not to mention slightly ashamed about how messed up her life currently was. She was bringing a baby into the world born out of wedlock and she was worried about what her family would say. Phoebe knew that she was being crazy in thinking that her family would judge and think the worst of her but she couldn't help herself. This was not the way she had planned on starting a family and yet it was happening.

"Yeah I'm fine just feeling a bit light headed as I skipped lunch to finish the autopsy as we're pretty backed up at the moment and I guess my body is catching up to me. Don't worry I'll be okay." Phoebe replied as she started the nausea start to settle down. Phoebe was very much hoping that this would all end once her first trimester was over as she wasn't sure she could carry on like this for the next six months.

"You sure Pheebs?" Danny asked.

"I'm good." Phoebe replied in a reassuring manner more for Danny's sake then her own.

"So we've got a victim who was being poisoned and was days away from dying when he's gunned down in the middle of the subway. Why shoot him if he's being poisoned?" Jackie questioned.

"Maybe they got tired of waiting and decided to speed things up or there is the possibility that we are dealing with two separate people." Danny debated and Phoebe admitted that both of those theories were plausible and even though she was no lawyer, Phoebe had worked closely with the district attorney's office and knew enough about the law to know that if there were two people involved in Luka Mitchell's death then the shooter could be charged with manslaughter as their shooting of Luka Mitchell caused the fall that led to his earth. Then the pensioner could be charged with murder as it was the poison was a critical contribution to how the victim dies. It was rare but Phoebe had heard of cases where two separate people were charged with the same crime. If this case got to trial it was going to be interesting.

"Well since I've provided you with the cause of Mr. Mitchell's death Danny, you don't need my services anymore until you hopefully find the antifreeze used to poison him as I'm not about guess work Danny, I'm about science and facts. I'll send you my final report as soon as I can…"


	3. Chapter 3

Phoebe wearily sighed as she wiped her mouth before leaning her head against the toilet bowl, it was pretty much where she spent most of her time these days. The morning sickness was still pretty much a relentless bitch although Phoebe was keeping food down for a little bit longer and she was feeling a bit more energetic as she was coming closer to the end of her first trimester. Phoebe finally felt a little bit better as she was adjusting okay to the fact that Ian was gone and never coming back again and she was going to be a single parent. As scared as Phoebe was, she knew she needed to get on with her life as she had a baby inside her womb who was depending on her and she was a Reagan, she wasn't going to hide away like some scared child. Phoebe was going to deal with her problems head on with her typical cheerful manner although she wasn't feeling quite cheerful at the moment, in fact Phoebe was feeling rather apprehensive as she was planning on telling the rest of her family about the baby today as they were going to figure it out sooner or later as Phoebe was quickly running out of excuses as to why she wasn't having a glass of wine with dinner or post dinner scotch, her excuse today was that she was working the graveyard shift which was true, after dinner she had to drag herself over to the office which was going to be a real joy considering how she was feeling. Phoebe knew she couldn't call in sick because she wasn't sick, she was feeling crappy because of the biological process that came with being pregnant. As Phoebe sat trying not to wallow in self pity, the door of the bathroom opened and in walked Jamie carrying a glass of water.

"Dad asked me if I could bring this to you and it looks like you need it Pheebs." Jamie stated as he handed over the glass of water and Phoebe gratefully took it, mumbling a small thanks in return before taking a huge gulp of the water. Phoebe would have hugged her dad for being the best if he was in the room and if she wasn't currently hugging the toilet like it was her best friend. Phoebe hoped to god that this morning sickness would die down once she got into her second trimester because she wasn't sure she could take this nonsense for another few months. "Late night, huh?"

"It's not what you think." Phoebe murmured as she glanced over at Jamie who had an amused look on his face, no doubt think was this way through self infliction through drinking which was not the case for once in her life. Phoebe couldn't really blame her brother making that assumption as there had been plenty of times over the years where Phoebe had turned up to Sunday dinner after a night of heavy drinking and clubbing, hungover as hell and spending most of the day in the bathroom nursing a sore head and throwing up the contents of her stomach. But those days were long gone, Phoebe had stopped her hard core partying in her mid twenties and stop going to nightclubs not long after she turned thirty. Phoebe didn't miss those days at all as she was a functioning mess, she had no idea how she managed to do all that partying whilst being in med school and doing her residency. She also wouldn't miss the morning sickness once that subsided.

"I've heard that one before." Jamie pointed out and Phoebe just glared at her brother, going from being helpful to now the very annoying baby brother.

"I'm pregnant you blind moron. That's why I'm making friendly with the toilet, it's not because I'm hungover or still drunk but because the morning sickness is not just in the morning but rather all day." Phoebe barked and straight away the smug look on Jamie's face vanished and Phoebe had to admit she felt a little bit pleased with herself and she couldn't help but laugh as she sat on the bathroom floor, watching her brother process the news. Poor Jamie was speechless, he was shocked to say the least. "Yeah I know what your thinking, Phoebe Reagan pregnant… What is the world coming to?"

"Umm…No, that's not what I was thinking Pheebs. I was just not expecting to hear that but it's great news Phoebe, congratulations!" Jamie offered and Phoebe couldn't help but grin broadly.

"Oh it gets even better… Ian took off when I told him that I was pregnant, he's vanished in a complete cloud of smoke after I gave him the news. Apparently he's not father material so he's a complete write off, well even more so than Grandpa thought he was." Phoebe added and Jamie gave her a look of sympathy before joining her on the floor and he gave her a sympathetic pat on the knee.

"Pheebs–"

"–Jamie, honestly it's fine… I was upset about it for a while as I never imagined that Ian would actually leave but I'm over it now, Ian is gone and I am pretty sure he is never coming back and that's okay with me. He's clearly not thinking of me so I'm not going to waste my time on him and it's probably for the best he took off now rather than later. The kid deserves better than that, I would rather the baby grow up having strong male influences in their life than a coward like Ian, who can't and won't step up to his responsibilities. Not a good example and Ian probably wouldn't have been a good dad anyway so I guess dad will be the main father figure in their life and I couldn't ask for anyone better." Phoebe quietly said with a small smile as she didn't see the point of mopping around anymore, she had a baby on the way and she was starting to get more excited as time went on.

"Who else knows? About the baby and Ian?" Jamie questioned.

"Just you and dad, since Ian left my head's sort of been in a tailspin and I've just been going along as best I can to get my head together. But I'm coming up to the end of my first trimester and so far everything seems to be going well and I figured it was time that I tell the rest of the family the news about the baby. Although I am slightly worried about what Danny is going to make of the news, I hope his head doesn't explode…" Phoebe stated with a small chuckle as she was certain her imminent announcement was going to send a few shockwaves through the family. "Can you distract me for a while? I just need to have something else to think about for a little while before I tell the rest of the family. My stomach has been in knots all day and that's without the morning sickness."

"I think I'm losing Syd." Jamie quietly announced and Phoebe couldn't help frown as she wasn't expecting to hear that, she thought everything would be going all funky dory in her brother's life. Jamie had a great new job that he loved as well as a beautiful paradise but apparently he too was having some trouble in his personal life.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I think the job is causing some tension between us and things haven't been the same since I started the job, like Erin said a couple of weeks back… Syd got engaged to a lawyer but she's going to end up marrying a cop. Maybe it's because neither of us were fully prepared for the harsh realities of the job. I know this wasn't what Syd expecting and I did want to be a lawyer Pheebs but after Joe died, I got thinking about things and I realized that this was what I wanted to do." Jamie explained and Phoebe nodded her head slowly as she listened to her brother speak, she understood a bit where her brother was coming from and she could tell that Jamie was glad to be talking about this in the open. This wasn't the kind of stuff that neither of them could talk to Danny about and they never really went to Erin, as kids both of them used to flock to Joe with their problems. Phoebe knew a big part of the reason Jamie decided to join the NYPD was to honour the memory of Joe, she knew how close Jamie was with their elder brother. Joe was pretty much Jamie's best friend.

"I get it Jamie, Joe being killed changed things for all of us and life hasn't really been the same and people change, I admire you a lot for what you did Jamie as I know it took a lot of courage on your part and I know Danny giving you a hard time doesn't help much. This is your life and you want to do something that you feel passionate about and challenges you. People may question what we do but as long as it's what makes you happy then it doesn't matter. You didn't become a cop because we come from a family of cops, you became one because you wanted to be one. You may have taken a detour to Harvard but you got here in the end. I never thought when I headed to med school that I would end up a medical examiner, I wanted to be a surgeon but then I unexpectedly found something that I'm passionate about. You should never apologize for doing something that makes you happy Jamie, it's not worth it and you shouldn't be living your life to please others. In regards to you and Syd, I probably shouldn't be giving out relationship advice given that my last boyfriend was a complete loser. But… You two are adjusting to a big change and there is going to be some growing pains but I think if there's enough love, you can survive anything and if you love Sid the way I think you do and she loves you as well then you'll get through this. Love isn't supposed to be easy but if you have it with the right person than it is worth fighting for." Phoebe told Jamie in a warm manner.

"Thanks Pheebs, I appreciate it." Jamie replied and Phoebe gently nudged her brother in the ribs.

"We should probably head to the dining room, I'm guessing Danny's probably whining about where we are because he's hungry and bored of waiting on us." Phoebe prompted which made Jamie get up from the bathroom and she waited until her brother outstretched his hand before taking it and allowing her baby brother to help her up. Once Phoebe was firmly back on her feet and certain that she wasn't going to be sick anymore, she flushed the toilet and washed her hands before making her way out of the bathroom with Jamie. The two of them made their way back to the dining room where the rest of the family was ready and waiting on them, offering her apologies Phoebe slinked into her chair that was next to Jamie and their grandfather and prepared herself for grace. It was all part of their weekly Sunday dinners, they went to church, came back to the family home and did grace before eating and then hung out with each other for a while before going their separate ways. Once grace was over and the food began being dished out, Phoebe was more than grateful to be having something that would hopefully, touch wood would stay in her stomach for once.

"So Danny… How's the case going? You know the homicide that you thought was a shooting until Phoebe told you otherwise…" Erin began and Phoebe couldn't help but lean forward in her seat and grin at her older sister, the two of them loved nothing better than getting one over Danny. Their big brother tended to think that he knew it all and so Phoebe showing him up and telling the big bad detective that he wasn't as smart as he thought was the highlight of Phoebe's.

"Forgive me for assuming the vic had died of a gunshot wound, he did after all have four gun shot wounds in his chest! Anyone else would have assumed the same thing." Danny retorted and Phoebe couldn't help but smirk.

"How many times do I have to tell you Danny that not everything is what is seems? You've been a cop for how many years now? Surely you should know better than anyone not to jump to conclusions and I did tell you and Jackie that they were non-fatal wounds…" Phoebe quipped.

"Okay well if your so smart then riddle me this know it all Dr. Reagan, why is it that it is next to impossible to get any tangible leads on this case? We have a perp whose been poisoned and according to your report he was being for at least the last three months and he was ingesting the poison unknowingly. We have at least two dozen suspects to the poisoning because apparently everyone hated this guy, from his mailman, his best friends's wife to his father in law. Practically everyone hated him and from what I hear about this guy, I can't really blame them."

"–Danny!" Linda scolded.

"What? The guy was a total jerk to everyone he came across and to be honest I'm surprised someone had the patience to wait all this time to slowly poison him to death. The guy wasn't short of people who wanted him dead…" Danny retorted.

"Well generally women are more prone to poisoning than men." Phoebe noted before taking mouthful of potatoes and feeling content as she felt the warmness of the potatoes in her mouth. There was nothing Phoebe loved better than a home cooked meal, recently all she had been eating was crackers and bananas which lost their flavouring real quickly.

"So you're saying that my suspect is a woman?" Danny questioned and Phoebe ruefully shook head as she swallowed a mouthful of food.

"It could be, I'm not saying that it is but when you compare methodology between male and female killers, you'll see that women tend to favour poisoning then men. But it may not be applicable in your case, what we do know is that your case is not an accidental death like most poisonings are. But what I can say and you already know this Danny homicide by poisoning is generally not an impulsive crimes. This was well planned out so you can rule out this being an angel of death at work as I pulled your vic's medical records and he hadn't been hospitalized since he was 12 and had his appendix out and I've never heard of an angel of death using antifreeze before." Phoebe replied.

"What's an angel of death?" Sean asked and Phoebe couldn't help glance over at Danny as she wasn't sure how to explain what an angel of death was to her nephew so she was going to leave it to his father.

"An… An angel of death is what we call a medical profession like Aunt Phoebe who hurt people intentionally instead of helping them. Their very bad people who think what their doing is right." Linda explained and Phoebe slowly nodded her head.

"Tell me something that I didn't already know Pheebs." Danny shot out and Phoebe rolled her eyes,

"Poisoning is an intimate thing especially in a case like this, your perp has to be someone your vic interacted with on a daily basis for the last couple months. It's someone who had access to the vic and maybe their home, so I doubt it's the mailman Danny. My guess is your looking at a co-worker, friend maybe even a partner. It's somebody close and they probably still have the anti-freeze given how much the vic was poisoned with…" Phoebe noted.

"Well whoever did this clearly did their research, knew well enough to use anti-freeze because it's a tasteless poison there for it can't be detected when ingested." Jamie added and Phoebe felt the need not to point out that it was one of the few poisons that could be traced in the system as most poisons tended to be absorbed quickly in the system. A lot of poisoning were left undetected if people didn't know what to look for or the window of finding the poison had passed. There was no need for Phoebe to give her family a lesson on the do's and don'ts of poisoning someone.

"Antifreeze seems to be the poison of choice lately, I've had cases where wives have poisoned their spouses with antifreeze for not taking out the garbage or remembering anniversary's." Erin stated and Phoebe couldn't help but sigh in amusement.

"Makes me even more grateful that I am not married, nor will I be getting married anytime in the near future." Phoebe scoffed in a nonchalant manner as she continued to eat albeit in a rather slow manner as she didn't want to give herself indigestion or worse, make the food come straight back up.

"So you and Ian are never going to get married Aunt Phoebe? I thought you always wanted to get married in the church that grandpa and grandma got married in?" Nicky, Phoebe's teenaged niece from Erin asked and Phoebe couldn't help grimace as she knew she had pretty much walked into that one after her comment about Ian. She was going to tell them that Ian was gone and mention the fact that she was currently with child.

"Yeah so did I Nicky, but to get married you need to have a partner to do that and you'd have to track down Ian to wherever he's run off to and bring him back kicking and screaming. Turns out Uncle Danny was always right about Ian being a completely useless waste of space, not worthy of my time. So Ian is gone which is probably very good news when you think about…" Phoebe wearily replied with a small laugh.

"Kiddo…" Henry began as he placed a comforting hand on top of his youngest granddaughter's hand.

"Oh it gets better grandpa because in a little less than six months you're going to have another great-grandchild running around here." Phoebe announced and things went deadly silence, well except for the sound of Danny chocking on some of his wine because he was clearly in shock over what he had heard. As Phoebe looked down the dining table it was clear all of her family were in shock about this, well except for Frank and Jamie. Phoebe didn't say anything, instead she chose to wait and take a sip of her water whist she waited for the news to sink in for her family.

"Pheebs, your pregnant?" Erin asked after a moment and Phoebe slowly nodded her head.

"Afraid so, just a little under three months so we have to keep it in the family for a while longer but Baby Reagan is due to make an appearance sometime time in April." Phoebe announced with a bright smile which was somewhat forced which was more for her family's sake then it was hers.

"Wow… Phoebe! How do you feel?–" Linda began but before she could even finish the question, Phoebe could see that Danny was going to get his 5 cents in and judging by the look on his face. He wasn't too happy about the situation, not that Phoebe was entirely surprised by the situation, as Danny had hated Ian upon setting eyes on him. Not that Phoebe could blame him given how things had ended up. As much as Phoebe hated to admit this, Danny was very good at sizing a person upon meeting them and unfortunately for a lot of people, Danny tended to make split second decisions about them upon his first impression which were usual quite irreversible and spot on in a lot of cases. Like with Ian.

"What do you mean Ian's gone?" Danny interrupted and Phoebe sighed as she should have known better than to think that this was going to be a simple thing. Of course she was going to have to go into the embarrassing details about how she was about to become a single and unwed mother. Danny wouldn't drop this until he had got all the facts.

"He's gone Danny as in so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, I'm not sticking around or coming back. So hasta la vista! That is what I mean when he is gone Daniel, he moved out of my apartment, changed his number and has probably left New York if I have to venture a guess and not coming back in the next 18 and a half years." Phoebe explained in an irritated manner as she didn't understand how Danny didn't understand the concept of someone being gone. "Do you need me to explain it in even further small terms or does that explanation suffice enough for now?"

"Well forgive me for wanting some clarification Phoebe!" Danny retorted and Phoebe rolled her eyes, as sometimes her brother was too much for her to deal with.

"What more clarification do you need Danny? I tell you that Ian is gone and that I am pregnant! It's not that hard to connect the dots that you need to ask for further clarification! Some of us don't have the perfect set up that you have with Linda and the boys! My boyfriend was an idiot and took off when I told him I was pregnant and now I'm going to be a single not to mention unwed mother! Is that clear enough for you Danny!" Phoebe hissed in annoyance, feeling herself getting worked up with every passing moment.

"Enough both of you!" Frank stated loudly and calmly over the table and silence fell over the entire dining room. "The situation with Ian isn't the important thing here, what we need to focus on as a family is Phoebe and the baby. This is a scary time for Bee and we all need to be here for her, Ian may be gone but her and the baby are not alone. We're going to make sure that this baby comes into this world very much loved by all of us."

"Thanks dad." Phoebe replied with a small smile.

"No problem Bee."

"Your better off without that schmuck kiddo, you and the baby." Henry assured her and Phoebe couldn't help but smile again as this all meant a lot, knowing that she had her families support. Everything seemed all okay until Phoebe locked eyes across the table with Danny who still didn't seem happy and Phoebe just sighed. But then she noticed Danny get up from his side of the table and walk over to where she was sitting and the expression on his face softened before he motioned for Phoebe to come here and Phoebe slowly got up and allowed her brother to pull her into a hug.

"I'm sorry…" Danny quietly murmured.

"Me too, I didn't mean to bite your head off." Phoebe softly replied and after a moment they pulled apart but Danny kept an arm around Phoebe's shoulders. She could see Danny was slowly getting his head around the news and Phoebe was relieved to see that his head hadn't blown off over the news about Ian. Deep down Phoebe knew that Danny was upset out of concern for her, no matter how old she would get, she would always be his baby sister and he would always feel it was his job to protect her.

"You're going to be a great mom Pheebs!"

"Congratulations Aunt Phoebe!" Jack called out as he got up out of his seat and came rushing over to join the hug followed by his younger brother Sean who wrapped his arms tightly around his aunt's waist. This was all scary for Phoebe but she knew that she had at least the support of her family. She may be raising this child as a single mother but she wouldn't be alone.

"Three months, eh? How are you doing Pheebs?" Erin asked and Phoebe let out a half hearted laugh.

"Well a lot better now that I've told you guys and I'm okay for the most part, morning sickness comes and goes all day, managing to keep something down. Still trying to get my head around all of these changes but I feel better now. Now the way I imagined my life going but you know… You just have to deal with these things.

"You need anything Bee, you just ask."

"Well now that you mention it Linda, I could do with a couple of birthing coaches if you and Erin wouldn't mind…."


	4. Chapter 4

The exhaustion was killing her, for Phoebe the tiredness was non-stop and today had been the worst of it, she literally felt exhausted from the hairs on the top of her head to the balls of her feet. Never had Phoebe detested being pregnant so much until this last week, the morning sickness was killing her, there was the constant need to pee along with terrible bouts of heartburn. For Phoebe being with child was not this magical experience that everyone was telling her that it was, the whole thing was a nightmare and it sucked. No amount of Phoebe telling herself that this would all be worth it when she held her baby in arms for the first time was going to cut it as she was tired, cranky and had the urge to eat everything and anything. The fact that she was pretty much working fourteen hour days didn't seem to be helping much and today hadn't been an easy shift for Phoebe, she had started the day testifying in court and was held up there for a few hours before heading back to the office where the real fun began. There was nothing like being on your feet all day, trying to do your job whilst beating off numerous detectives with a stick as they breathed down your neck to get initial autopsy findings as quick as possible, like Phoebe could snap her fingers and like a magician they would be ready. As well as having the NYPD constantly on her back, Phoebe also had to deal with the never ending influx of 'patients' that were coming in to the morgue. Just how New York City was the city that never slept, the office of the Chief Medical Examiner never closed, the doors were always open and you were always guaranteed that somebody somewhere in the vicinity of New York was going to be in need of their services. Normally Phoebe loved her job, it was pretty much her pride and joy but today she was so exhausted by the high pressure and long hours of her job that she couldn't even make it home, let alone change back into her regular clothes. She was still dressed in her scrubs and did not care in the slightest. By the time that Phoebe's shift had ended for the evening, she was so exhausted that she could not even move from her desk without worrying that her feet was going to explode. The whole thing just made Phoebe grimace as she was just over twelve weeks pregnant mark and she felt this horrendous, it didn't bode well for the rest of her pregnancy. It took Phoebe a full forty minutes before she was able to swallow her pride and call in some reinforcements to come and help her out. Jamie was working the night shift, Danny was never going to left Phoebe live something like this down and she didn't want to bother her dad or grandfather so that really only left Erin, who was pretty much one of two people in her family who Phoebe knew would understand what she was going through.

"How are you feeling Bee?" Erin questioned and Phoebe offered up a small smile from the refuge of the couch as her sister came over from the kitchen holding two mugs, which Phoebe suspected was tea for her. Phoebe moved her legs ever so slightly to allow Erin to take a seat on the opposite end of the couch before moving her feet back so they were resting in her sister's lap.

"Hungry. I'm always hungry but I'm still having trouble anything heavy down and I need to go to the bathroom constantly. Honestly the toilet bowl is my new best friend! But mostly this cutting down on my caffeine intake is becoming a real pain in the ass! I was not built to survive on herbal tea, I run on several large cups of coffee a day. But apparently if I just think about the baby who I'm sacrificing my diet and body for that will make everything magically irrelevant, so people keep telling me… Other than that I'm just peachy. You know me Erin, always bright and shiny and asking to be kicked in the face." Phoebe began with a bright smile, talking in a cheerful tone with plenty of sarcasm thrown in for good measure despite the fact she felt like she could sleep for two days. "I know I'm pregnant, trust me I am fully aware that I am growing a child in my uterus but it's like my head and body have two separate understandings of it. My body is going through all these changes but I'm still running around like it's no big deal. I'm sorry about tonight Erin, I just could not get myself and my feet felt like they were going to explode. The idea of dragging myself up three flights of stairs to my apartment just made me even more tired."

"There is no need to apologize to me Bee, I promised you Phoebe that I would support you through your entire pregnancy and I meant that, you and my little niece or nephew in there mean everything to me. So I am going be here for whatever you need me for and when the time comes, I'll be right by your side in the delivery room. Plus, you are a very welcome distraction for me tonight, it's pretty lonely around here with Nicky being with Jack at the moment." Erin replied with a warm smile and Phoebe took her sister's hand in her own and squeezed it, she didn't know her sister did the whole working single mom gig. It was like some kind of superhuman act. Phoebe could barely remember to restock her fridge when she ran out of groceries so she wasn't sure how to look after a baby. But here Erin was going through a divorce, being a kick ass assistant district attorney and raising Phoebe's darling niece all by herself, with barely any help from her soon to be ex-husband. If there was somebody who the family disliked as much as they detested Phoebe's ex dead beat boyfriend Ian, then it was Jack Boyle – Erin's ex and Nicky's father.

"How you doing with the whole Jack thing?" Phoebe questioned as it was no secret about Erin's life had sort of been in a huge transition mode for a while know given her split with Jack and the impending divorce. It was a tough thing for anyone to go through but Phoebe was amazed by how well Erin was handling it, she held herself with such grace and dignity. It was by far the opposite of what Phoebe would do if she was in that situation.

"Okay I guess. Well I can't be anything else can I Bee? I have Nicky to think about and with Jack never really being around for our daughter, I have to step up and be both mom and dad to her. It's not easy and like you Phoebe, I never imagined that I would end up a single mom but as much as I hate Jack, I am thankful every day that the only good thing to come out of our marriage is Nicky." Erin stated before taking a sip of her tea and Phoebe watched as her sister practically beamed when mentioning her daughter. It was sweet. Erin reminded Phoebe a lot of their mom at times, she was so strong and so sure of herself. It was something Phoebe envied a lot about her sister.

"You're a good mom Erin and whilst I like Jack for the most part, he could be an ass at times and I always thought you were way too good for him. I know defence attorney's are narcissistic but Jack's ego was a bit too big for my liking." Phoebe quipped, feeling the need to keep her sister's spirit up as she knew that this whole divorce thing was hitting Erin a lot harder than she was letting on. Whilst Phoebe had no idea what her sister was going through, she could only imagine what it was like to get married to the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, to have it not work out. It was heart-breaking. It also made Phoebe increasingly grateful that her baby daddy had been so scared of commitment that the two of them had never made it down the aisle.

"You are as sweet as honey, like always Bee." Erin responded and Phoebe grinned as she loved all those idioms that her family used with her because of her name. She used to find it condescending as hell growing up, as a teenager whilst going through her somewhat rebellious phase Phoebe hated it when her parents called her Honey Bee or their little Bumble Bee especially when they were in public. Nowadays Phoebe loved it. Sure it was a bit corny but Phoebe loved that kind of cheesy stuff now.

"Can I ask you something?" Phoebe asked her sister with a small frown on her face, all traces of her previous smile gone as she wanted to ask her sister something that had been bothering her for a while now. But Phoebe never really had the courage to actually ask her sister about it, up until now.

"Sure."

"What if I'm not up to it? What I don't have the thing that you need to be a good parent? I look at you Erin and you seemed to know it all, you have all the answers and Nicky is great. She is a parent's dream, well mannered, polite, smart… What if I can't do this? Raise a child and be a parent, be responsible for another human being and make sure they turn out to be a good person. Mom and dad manged to do a good job with the five of us and Danny is a great dad, he loves his boys but what if I'm not like the rest of you guys? I see the worst of what people can do every day. What if I'm a terrible mom? What if I screw things up so badly that my kind ends up being one of those people who put people on my table. I'm constantly scared that I won't be good at this that I won't measure up to you or even mom. C'mon Erin! What do I know about raising a child? I work all the time, I work the swing shift so I don't have a routine, I barely ever have food in the apartment and I have to call Jamie every time my garbage disposal on the fritz. I am a barely functional adult so what qualifies me to raise a child for the next eighteen and a half years." Phoebe questioned, asking the question that she had been too afraid to ask up until now. She didn't know the first thing about being a parent, she had always just been good old fun Aunt Phoebe. There was a huge difference between babysitting for her family and raising her own child. Her life revolved around dead bodies and as creepy as that sounded it was true. The more Phoebe thought about the whole having a baby thing, it made her realize she was in no condition to be a parent to anyone. She had tried reading god knows how many of those baby books and they were all as useless as the next.

"It's good that your scared Bee because that means that you already care about what's going happen to your baby. I won't lie and say that it's easy because it's not, being a parent is pretty scary and there are so many things that you'll have to worry about and just by thinking about these things show me that you are already being a mom. I can't promise you that everything will be perfect because nobody knows that but what I've learnt about being a mom is that the most important thing about raising a child is giving them love and that is something I know that you have plenty to give. We've all seen you with Nicky and the boys and they adore you and I know you love them. You can do this Bee, I've known you every day of your life Phoebe Reagan and I can honestly say you have the purest and warmest heart of anyone I know. You'll figure this all out and you will be a great mom, I promise and we'll all be right here by your side every step of the way." Erin reassured and Phoebe squeezed her sister's hand before forcing herself to laugh as she was on the verge of tears and this was the last place that she wanted to start crying. The only thing that was really getting Phoebe through this was the support of her family, the Reagan's may be slightly eccentric but they never let you down.

"I-I just don't want to let anyone down, especially mom after everything ya know? Mom knew what to say, she knew how to make everything better and I don't know how to do any of that. All I'm good for is a wise crack and eating all the Christmas stuffing." Phoebe admitted with a small voice before taking another sip of her tea, as she had never been the most put together one in the family. Out of all her siblings Phoebe had sort of been the black sheep in a way, she never really knew what she was doing. Her adolescence had been spent testing boundaries and getting into petty trouble simply because she was bored. Phoebe had always been the one with no ambition, she coasted through pretty much all her life without any aspirations and in her family, that made her pretty much stick out like a sore thumb. Phoebe was so worried that her flakiness as a person would have a direct impact on her parenting skills. It was something she couldn't quite shake off.

"People can tell you a million things about being a parent Pheebs but at the end of the day you'll figure out what works out best for you and I don't want you to think that you've let any of us down because you haven't. Not in the slightest… Especially mom, I know how proud of you she was and Joe was too." Erin assured Phoebe in a loving manner but that didn't stop the ache in her heart over her sister's mention of their brother Joe.

"Sometimes I still wake up and I've forgotten that he's gone and then it hits me all over again. I miss Joe all the time and I wish he could be here to see another one of his nephews or niece come into the world. Sure he would have be pissed as hell about the Ian thing but I know he would have been the first person to make sure I was getting myself taken care of and not over exerting myself. Joe was always my go to person with DYI stuff, now I've got to count on Jamie and Danny to help me set up the nursey. That's not going to end well. But most of all, I think Joe would get a real kick at me seeing me get fat." Phoebe said with a shaky voice, forcing herself to laugh at the later part of her statement for her sake as she knew she would most likely end up crying if she didn't laugh. Joe was still a bit of an emotional topic and given her hormones right now, Phoebe didn't trust herself to stop crying if she started. "I can just imagine him laughing his ass off as I started to show, making all these jokes about me putting on weight and then comparing me to a whale when I'm like eight months pregnant and have the same centre of gravity as a cow."

"That's true! Joe always loved to tease you Pheebs and I know he would have been the most surprised about you being a mom. But he always had faith in you Phoebe, like the rest of us do." Erin retorted good naturedly and Phoebe smiled but then came the silence, it was slightly awkward as it did tend to come when they were talking about Joe. The subject of their brother and his death was a hard topic and sometimes none of the Reagans knew what to say. Not because they didn't love Joe, it was because they loved him too much and he was still so missed.

"I did something a bit naughty the other day, I had a bit of time on my hands and so I gave myself a little ultrasound. Before you lecture me about abusing government property Erin, it was for a good reason! My OB/GYN appointment isn't until later this week and I was getting impatient and I wanted to make sure that everything was going okay with Baby Reagan... I don't even understand why I have to go to a doctor in the first place as I am more than capable of preforming an ultrasound and running a few tests on my blood and urine. I might need some time to read a few book to brush up my skills but I think I am more than capable of delivering a happy and healthy baby!" Phoebe quipped with a small chuckle as she pulled up her scrub top gave her stomach a quick pat, she was a few more weeks away from beginning to show by that didn't mean there wasn't a baby inside her.

"Phoebe you're a medical examiner not an obstetrician." Erin responded in a dry manner and Phoebe rolled her eyes in good humour, she had been expecting that kind of response from her sister.

"So? I'm still a doctor and very good one at that and I'll have you know that I have delivered several babies before. Most of it was during my fourth year of med school during rotations but I've delivered a couple of babies since I got my M.D. and I admit that I don't get to do it often because of my line of work but I like delivering babies, it makes me happy. It's rather rewarding bringing a new life into this world. I actually had to perform a crash c-section a few years ago, messy as hell but I had no choice as the mother and baby were both at risk. Both of them survived, very happy and relieved mother with a brand new beautiful bouncing baby boy with quite the set of lungs. I guarantee that the mom wasn't getting any sleep anytime soon. The mom sends me a card every Christmas, I think it's one of the things I'm most proud of." Phoebe replied in an offbeat manner.

"It sounds like you would have loved being an OB/GYN, did you ever give it a thought?" Erin questioned and Phoebe pursed her lips together for a moment before shaking her head.

"Like I said, I like delivering babies as it makes me happy but it's not something that I couldn't do every day as whilst you get this overwhelming joy at bringing a child into the world. But sometimes things don't work out that way, not everyone gets to bring a healthy baby into the world and that kind of sadness isn't something that I thought I could do with. I'm all rainbows and sunshine Erin, so something that devastating isn't something that I think I could handle. It took me a while before finding a speciality that I felt comfortable with, that I was passionate about and I know that people find what I do creepy but pathology is where I belong. I find being the voice of the deceased just as rewarding as bring new life into this world." Phoebe explained in a nonchalant manner knowing full well that Erin would understand even if she didn't exactly get what Phoebe was talking about. Erin always understood about things like this, they two of them hadn't followed tradition in their family, they instead followed their passion and that lead Erin to the law and Phoebe into medicine.

"So despite the fact that you've been playing doctor on yourself Bee, how is my little niece or nephew doing in there? I know you've been feeling pretty crappy lately but the little one is doing okay, right?" Erin asked and Phoebe pursed her lips in mild amusement as whilst she could see her sister wasn't pleased that she was preforming ultrasounds on herself, Erin's curiosity over her unborn niece or nephew brushed that all to the side.

"Baby Reagan is doing well, there's a strong heartbeat and everything seems to be developing as it should so it's all good so far. You could see it's heart, spine and it's limbs. Only about 5.2 cm at the moment which is a bit smaller than most but nothing to worry about but baby is starting to look more like a baby than a piece of fruit. The baby's pretty active but not it terms of kicking, it's neurological connections are forming and it's pretty exciting. I managed to restrain myself from printing off my own personal montage of photos, I'll get those from the doctor and that's about it. Oh, It's too early to determine the sex but it's not like I really want to know." Phoebe responded with an eager smile as she was fascinated by the science of it all. She knew that she was having a baby, Phoebe had come to terms with that weeks ago. But the science that was involved in her growing an actual human being in her uterus was something that left Phoebe in utter awe.

"So you're not going to find out the sex, huh? I would have thought you would jump at the chance to know Bee as you have a need to always know what's going on!" Erin couldn't help but point out and Phoebe knew that her sister had her there as Phoebe was always the kid at Christmas trying to figure out where all the gifts were being hidden away. Mysteries were things that she didn't like leaving alone and most all, she hated surprises.

"Nope. I don't see the point really as it's going to be a boy or a girl either way and besides it more practical for me to wait until I have the baby to find out the sex so I don't have to worry about buying pink or blue clothes or what colour the nursery needs to be. Instead I can focus on the important stuff. Also when I have my baby shower everyone will give me practical stuff instead of gender related stuff. People think it's better to be surprised but there are no real surprises left in the world these days, especially when it comes to having a baby. There is always an explanation behind everything. That's the beauty of science Erin."

"So you don't want to know for practical reasons? Uh huh, are you sure it's got nnothing to do with you wanting to be surprised and just wanting a happy and healthy baby like any other new mom to be?" Erin questioned and Phoebe's lips began twitch in amusement.

"It doesn't and the only thing that matter is having a happy and healthy baby, every thing else comes second to that. Either way a baby is still a baby, although given our family history I wouldn't be too surprised if it was a boy and ready to put on the uniform mere moments about it's arrival into the world…"


End file.
